Nowadays, having a child is no joke. Having to raise a mini-you takes a lot of sacrifices, commitment, love, and most importantly, financial security. Parents would tell you that everything has changed for the better in their lives ever since they had their first child despite their troubles and frustrations.
Others simply avoid the entire calamity in the first place. Whether its financial reasons or commitment issues, there are some folk who refuse to even enter the thought of having a kid when they themselves haven’t fully grown yet. These 75 tweets will show you just how strong some of these childless folk think when it comes to not having a kid.
If you’ve been thinking of having a child recently, you may be dissuaded by what you’re about to read.
1) No Child Left Behind?
Parental duties can be cumbersome and overwhelming for many. Seems this person felt lucky to dodge that seemingly inevitable bullet. Hopefullly his child-free trip ends in joy and satisfaction from not having to feel burdened.
2) What Money Can’t Buy
Those who are childless definitely tend to splurge more regularly than those who are committed. A seasonal sale is a single person’s biggest weakness. It’s easy to of course get carried away from time to time, but having a kid makes it radically more difficult.
3) Baby Back Switch
This post is questionable to say the least. We get that all babies exhibit mostly similar behaviors, but that’s like finishing a school project and awarding random grades to everyone despite their effort! Let’s hope the stork keeps delivering the babies to their respectful houses.
4) Baby’s Bug Life
5) Salad For Singles
An admirable and humble thing to say. It’s a pill most of us in our youth avoid swallowing. It speaks volumes when a baby still in maturation decides to make more babies when they still have so much left to go to reach full maturity.
6) Hold My Baby
Babies can be the cutest thing or the grossest thing to exist, according to some at least. It’s not a pleasant feeling when the former is true and you start looking like Ron Weasley when he picks up a horrendous vegetable. If you’re one of those people, just remember you have the civic right to deny their request.
7) You’ve Got Some Stones
Never underestimate the heart of a consumer. They’ll purchase every worthless thing and reassure themselves that it’s not going to their non-existent child. Must feel nice.
8) No Reason For Seasons
Legend goes that those without children breath stressfree air. If you live in a fun place like Los Angeles, then they seem to never know how to stop having fun regardless what time of year it is. The secret to a young and eternal life might not be the fountain of youth, but instead, it’s going parentless.
9) One Is Too Many
Children do really have a huge impact on our sanity believe it or not. One can turn the tide of our mood from calm to completely hysterical in the blink of an eye. This person agrees that the global quota of children has already been reached.
10) End Of The Line
Not having a child is actually a calling for some people. And that’s perfectly okay! After all, nobody is forcing you to pass on your bloodline for any reason whatsoever. You’re free to decide your life and how you procreate it.
11) Gu Gu Ghastly
It is pretty terrifying to think you’re now responsible for the life of another human being. So terrifying in fact, that it caused a bit of shock horror in this Twitter poster’s face. Just imagine how mortifying it must be for a parent to through with a little munchkin.
12) Childless Cost Efficiency
One thing a childless person has going for them is that the financial burden doesn’t compare one bit. This person definitely did a little research to back up the claim. It’s not secret that having a child definitely burns a fat hole in your wallet.
13) Child Please
This poster feels adamant about normalizing families on a two-person basis. Can we blame her? If you’re a couple that can’t have children for whatever reason, then, by all means, you still have the right to think of yourself as your own family despite this fact.
14) No Time To Chill-dren
Life’s pace gets dramatically faster and doesn’t slow down for a while after having kids. It’s the inevitable change in schedule and the responsibility that comes with caring for another human being. For those that value their time, stick to not having any kids.
15) Child Missing In The Crowd
It might be called living in a bubble. It’s just chalked up to the fact that this person hangs out with similar kid-less people who don’t make such remarks. To add insult to injury, there’s really not that many of these crowds left.
16) Man’s Best Friend
It’s true that dogs will always be smiling at the sight of you walking through the door. However, it’s not always the case when it comes from a little human baby. It’s a pleasurable version of Russian Roulette when it comes to your mini-me as things can get loud really quick.
17) Child Of The 13th
Sounds like the perfect Hollywood flick for those looking to avoid having kids. It describes, in a nutshell, the life of someone sucking your soul with constant pleas of attention. It has all the makings of a real-life thriller.
18) The Older The Wine
The sweeter the juice they say. It looks like the “cool” aunt life might actually be the most desirable type of lifestyle. As long as it doesnt involve a child of course.
19) Child Custody
Nobody really ought to be disappointed in earning custody of their child. We can’t blame you if at times it may feel like it should be that way since they can definitely be a handful. Take it by the chin if you have to but please don’t be negligent of your child.
20) A Terrible Cough
Things can be pretty rough with a young one with almost infinite energy. It can take a humongous toll on the body. Make sure to carry your daily source of ibuprofen handy for the never ending headaches.
21) Sleep Is The Cousin of Having Child
Lack of sleep is a symptom of having a child. It’s concerning the amount of energy one expenses to raise a kid from the ground up. It really does take a village…of sleepless zombies.
22) Hometown Hiccup
This one is incredibly relatable to those who know the feeling of leaving their hometown and seeing their friends stay back. Not that it’s a bad thing, but it’s funny when it’s used in the context of this joke. Keep this one in your back pocket for the next time a little one asks the inevitable question.
23) Worm Germ
Life gets real after knowing a new human life is on the way, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that some people feel this way. No doubt momma will do her par in feeding the baby. Just be wary though because at some point, it will know nothing else but to eat eat eat until it can’t eat anymore!
24) Planning That Next Vacay
Ahh, the moment of taking a load off your mind and just breezing through life. A benefit that doesn’t come often to those who have children to supervise. Don’t take the childless luxury as a gift, as those who tend to fill a superficial void often get left without a sense of purpose.
25) Sleeping In Forever
Not a care in the world. That’s what happens when you’re without a kid. This person can’t help but rave and rub it all in our faces.
26) Humpty Dumpty Baby
To those without kids, it may seem like they’re just an object with a price tag on it. For all we know, this person was probably thinking they were doing the parents a favor! In all seriousness, don’t drop your baby for whatever reason possible.
27) Fees For Mini-Me
Child fees are out of the question, but children trying to hulk smash their walls are a huge nono. Politely talking to people can go a long way, and while nobody likes being told how to act as a parent, it should be fine to reach a point of understanding one another. Now about this being a scam, having a child comes with a price, but not exactly intended to swindle people.
28) Family Few
Good point. There shouldn’t be any discrimination towards a family of two just because of a lack of a child. With that being said, the expectations of those who equate a family to having kids should get lowered immediately to help get to this.
29) Be Careful What You Wish For
Or you might just get it. In this case, it seems like a desire heading into the wrong direction. Can having a kid really be this tragic?
30) Tiny Toons
Depends on who you ask because there are some really good cartoons out there. Regardless, we get the analogy and it can paint a painful picture for some. We can at least agree that this question should, in some shape or fashion, be asked before the commitment finally gets made.
31) Scream All You Want
This might be everyone’s worst nightmare. The screeching sound of a child can pierce the airways and cause permanent PTSD if you’re not careful. Those who without kids should enjoy the silence while it lasts.
32) Childless Checkpoint
Going through the airport with less luggage always does feel like a stress-free environment. It gets tedious having a little one around wondering when the next time they have to go potty. Now whether it’s the best time to be single is up for debate.
33) Stinky Sock Scenarios
Having difficult conversations with your child is tough. There’s always self-doubt has to how to approach it, but sometimes you just have to go with your gut instinct. Hopefully, this person did have a “good talk” and things came out positively in the end. This is one can definitely be an incentive to stay away from having children until you’re ready to face this kind of challenge.
34) Chips By The Millions
Chips become as important as water at some point. At least it provides some utility when trying to encourage good behavior in your kid. Just make sure to allocate some of your income towards a personal potato chip stash.
35) More Money Fewer Children
Supporting kids can be hard for many families to do. Especially when you’re young and barely established in the workforce. Rethink your decisions if you can’t afford to be financially responsible for another life.
36) No Child Appreciation Day
Let’s praise those who opt not to have a child simply because we can. No reason is needed other than women should feel like they belong because of their decision to stay away from bearing children. Let’s all embrace it and hold it to the same moral standard.
37) Future Failure
Don’t be ashamed to tell off that know it all that thinks they can tell you what to do. Stand by your word and rest assured that the path to no kids is not one to be ashamed of. Nobody holds that right over anyone and that’s a lesson you’ll have to teach your future child someday.
38) Pet Peeve
Children get compared to pets all the time. When it comes to literally comparing their exterior in this graphic way, then we understand why it can offend some people. Despite the outrageous comment of “skin dog”, it holds some level of credibility coming from a pediatrician.
39) Pleasures Of Pizza
Pizza might be one of the most commonly favored food amongst them all. It’s hard to hate when there is so much variety and ways to spice up your delight with a myriad of toppings. According to this person, you’ll get to enjoy them that much more if you don’t have child.
40) Let’s Shake On It
A few words have never gone such a long way. It’s a long, adventurous life these little humans are soon to experience and so its always good to get as many words of encouragement as possible. Even if it was full sarcasm.
41) Hot Diggity Dog!
The simple pleasures of having a hotdog with your crush seemingly go away once you have a kid. It’s aesthetically pleasing, to say the least. This person thought it was funny to actually demonstrate it with this simple replacement of babies with hot dogs.
42) Meow We’re Talking
A kitty can sometimes behave like a baby. Only you won’t have to hear them constantly wine and cry themselves to sleep. Enjoy having your furry ball of hair as a companion for now!
43) Cry Me A River
Is it possible to be this sad with a kid? We get that it gets overwhelming, but tears of sadness should never be the case. For those that feel that way, don’t go to the kitchen if you can’t take the heat.
44) Swings Are For Adults Too
You don’t have to have a child to enjoy the simple pleasures. This person thought it would be fun to reward themself with a fun swing set. Anything is doable as long as you don’t have to care for a younger version of you to get in the way of your own fun.
45) Honesty Is Key
Being honest with yourself is one of the first steps to becoming a parent. Either you’re ready or you’re not. Nothing can prepare you for the journey of course, but not kidding yourself would be ideal if the thought should arise.
46) Company Costs
Costco memberships are the new benchmark for childless people it seems. It elevates you to a position of social retirement in a way nothing ever can: sentencing you to months of recurring visits to the whole store to splurge on yourself. The life of not having a child is a fun filled one as long as its done right.
47) Spells of Singularity
Wizards indeed. Some people like to think not having a kid makes them genuinely more apt than most. They may have been smart in avoiding having to tend for another, but they’ll rethink their position once being a “freetimewizard” starts to get dull.
48) Battles For The Kids
It’s hard to imagine going to a legal battle for your child’s custody. It’s one fear that most of us would be comfortable in saying they would never want to be involved in. Let the lawyers take care of the dirty work, but overall, avoid the whole mess by staying childless if you can.
49) Infant Care
A pretty elaborate plan that ends in shambles. Pessismism seems to be a common theme for those without children. The fears that come with a loud, annoying human really can make someone go delusional.
50) Financial Family Freedom
Must be nice to only have you and your partner to support. A kid in the picture would just take away from all the material riches one can acquire. Stack the pile of money high while you can!
51) Chuck A Child
Having a loud dog is one thing, but a loud child in tandem? That’s a recipe for losing one’s patience. We can’t blame this poster for feeling the way she does.
52) Cheers To No Child
This is how it must feel to not have a child take up all your time. You get to sit back, relax, and even enjoy an occasional drink or two. Don’t feel bad if you’re 30+ with no kid cause you might end up smiling like this guy.
53) Toddler Transformation
Sometimes all you wish for is a magical transformation to happen to your child. You almost wish the fairy godmother herself came out to save you from the constant mental torture. This person agrees and would even take a whiny puppy over a crying baby.
54) Timeless Youth
Parents take pride in the maturity of their child very easily. No matter if they’re two weeks or twenty-two years of age, it’s a process that always keeps changing. However, this post was made by someone who doesn’t care to bother how old a child is not because they lack a heart, but mainly because they have no interest in having a kid to begin with.
55) Full Refund With Receipt
Being an uncle/aunt seems to be the best place to be when it comes to living a life without children. You can enjoy the brief perks of having a child-like holding and even playing with them. Feel free to give them back with no problem at all.
56) Too Tired For Toddlers
The bags under one’s eyes say it all. Each wrinkle tells of a restless night where sleep was sacrificed for the greater good of the baby. There’s no beating around the bush: having a child will no doubt sap you of your life energy and advance 10 years of your life if you’re not careful.
57) Child Boredom
Kids aren’t wild animals, yet some of us think they come out feral with no regard to being civilized at all. To some people, they can act extremely boring and uninteresting since they’re just getting used to their surroundings. Maybe trying some friendly baby treats will help for those trying to impress others with their baby’s intellect.
58) Uncle For President
Uncle’s have a unique role in the family. They can be the crazy, off-putting type or they can be the casual, nonchalant uncle that just wants to hold your baby for a few seconds to experience what it’s like to be a dad. We can almost guarantee that they rather stick to their daily job of being uncles than having a baby attached next to them.
59) Live And Let Live
For some, that can be tough to do since you want to exert your influence all you can. However, it’s best to trust the process and realize your child will be their own individual. Always consider this before going into parenthood.
60) Pictures Of The Obvious
Baby pictures have a way of revealing so much personality without saying any words. They can be the cutest thing imaginable, or a frightful, uneventful moment for one to experience. Either way, the faster you flip through the pictures, the faster you can go about your day. Just let us normal people appreciate their adorableness.
61) Permanent Baby Problems
This person compares having tattoos to having a baby almost perfectly. They’re not wrong and definitely highlights the unwanted expectations set by some familiy households. Next time you decide to have a baby, ask yourself: are you ready to get yourself a brand new tattoo?
62) Kidless Jar
A personal piggy bank for not having kids is a great idea for your personal finance. Just think about giving back to yourself after constantly realizing you don’t have to feed another mouth. Keep stacking your riches without having to worry.
63) Just Kidding Around
No age should be the metric for having kids. This 40-year-old is happy to live his best life without having to strain himself with a child. Go on and make your dogs look good with their taco outfits and forget the outside noise!
64) Family Of Two
A family shouldn’t have to consist of having children. That’s what this poster adamantly says about her and her fiance who feel strongly judged when asked about starting a family. Let’s start normalizing the family unit as a collaboration of people that come together to build, rather than having the simple qualifier of a child be the determining factor.
65) Free Time Fervor
Very few things beat having personal free time for yourself. It’s not having to forcibly engage and expend your energy on something you don’t want to do right now. Feel like reading a book? This person is enjoying just that without having to worry for a child.
66) The Price Of Freedom
The distinction is made vividly clear. Not having a kid for this person is the equivalent of having all the time in the world for yourself. Let’s not take away from the experience and instead support those with the leisurely time on their hands!
67) Spare The Daycare
Well, that’s a hefty lump of money. For anyone thinking of having a child, take a good look at this person’s experience. If you’re not able to afford a kid, it’s best to listen to the advice and stop depending on the pull out method.
68) Fun With The Aunt
Being an aunt of 30 and over with no kids has its perks. This aunty considers herself an apex predator with all the perks that come with not being a parent. The waters are huge and you virtually limitless when you swim like auntie shark.
69) Enjoy The Live-Feed
This person knows the woes and troubles that come with eating out with children. Clearly, they’ve seen the childish struggles of menu selection, not sharing, and whining when the food is not to their expectation. Condom commercials should definitely adopt this idea when they can.
70) The Price For Freedom
According to this person, people need to mind their own business and respect others. Those who don’t have children often choose so and should not be judged by their decision. After all, they don’t go around berating people when they have kids and contribute to an “overpopulated world with diminishing resources.” Keep the peace going and let’s accept those around us who choose to be different.
71) Our Body, Our Choice
Remember that when you decide to have children. A reversible vasectomy is an option, but remember it’s not the end of the line. Just be responsible and know that at the end of the day, it should be you who decides what happens with your body and not anyone else.
72) Don’t Sweat The Rest
If you’re thinking of getting more rest, the answer is not to have children. Those who don’t have children get to rest all the time and have considerably fewer things to do than a parent with a child to care for. Once you pop your first living human baby, you’ll realize just how much free time disappeared right out of thin air. Enjoy and stay rested while you can.
73) Permanent Point
Having children is a life-long process of understanding, teaching, and having patience. It’s as permanent as having a tattoo, but at least everyday is a pay off in itself. Try not to over-kid yourself just like you wouldn’t try to over-ink yourself.
74) How The Tables Have Turned
Don’t worry if you’ve been told the same thing by parents. Just know the perspectives will flip once they witness how truly tough it is to maintain life. Luck has nothing to do with it when you know how to stop yourself from making the riskiest, biggest decision of your life.
75) No Thank You
You may want to ask if someone wants to hold your baby next time. We’re sure its the cutest baby in the world, but some people are just not going to buy it and would rather shoot the chance to hold it when they can. Consider that next time you advertise your baby freely in public.
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